Ever had one of those three-hour arguments that go to one o’clock in the morning and get to the point where you start fighting about what you were fighting about?

The next the morning you can barely remember what the point was.  And you go into the, “I’m sorry honey…” thing.

Here’s the sequence;

  1. Something bad happened in the past.
  2. Something happening in the “now” reactivates that bad experience in the mind without you being aware of it.
  3. This past threat seems like it is present now, so the logical part of your mind assigns the perceived threat to be coming from the thing happening right now.
  4. The logical part of the mind rationalizes the threat with the following computation, “What I am feeling now, is because of what is happening now.”  (But that’s not the truth).
  5. The threatening feeling you have now, is actually coming from something that happened in the past.  So, arguing about what is happening now will never land on any sane solution.
  6. Hence the “3-hour argument”.

TAKEAWAY:  Better to stop arguing and take a walk, until the perceived threat moves off.  Don’t argue endlessly, trying to make your point and prove how right you are.  You are usually both right, based on whatever past threats got stirred up for the both of you.