Really? How does that work?
Well, it has to do with the natural laws of Affinity. Synonyms for affinity are affection, fondness, and closeness. The definition includes the statement; a natural liking, sympathy, and connection to you, often due to shared interests, qualities, or a sense of understanding.
You want to be close to people and things that you have affinity for. If you like a certain genre of music, you want to listen to it and have it in your space. If you don’t have an affinity for a it, you want it gone and far away. Same with people. Those you love you want to be in intimate proximity.
Now, push on something near you, a wall, a desk etc. Push hard and continuously. Try to push it away. Feel that? Keep pushing. Notice you are now totally connected to that object.
When you are resisting or protesting someone or something, you’re attempting and hoping to stop it or push it away. Continually putting your attention on and exerting your intentions toward preventing it or forcing it away, is replicating the same mechanics as pushing on an object.
And in doing so, you are totally attaching yourself to it.
And so, when we are resisting something, we are connecting ourselves to the thing we are trying to push away.
If you continue to protest or resist something, your constant attachment to that thing will start to unwittingly put the laws of affinity into motion and you’ll proceed in becoming the qualities, interests, and characteristics of the thing you’re resisting.
Hence, what you resist, you become.
Carl Jung is quoted as saying; “What you resist, persists”. Buddhism encourages acceptance, surrender and non-attachment to the natural flow of things. The more you protest or resist something or someone, the more you are putting yourself in close proximity to it, with the probable result being that you’ll subconsciously take on the characteristics of the thing you’re resisting.
This may be an explanation what’s called the “Stockholm Syndrome”. “This is a psychological phenomenon where hostages or victims of abuse develop positive feelings, emotional attachment, or even sympathy for their captors or abusers. Their constant connection to an abuser eventually causes the laws of affinity to start manifesting and they become the thing they were previously resisting.” (Wikipedia)
Examples of this can be found everywhere. I once saw a posting that read; “The current president is a divisive narcissist and everyone who voted for him is a moronic, brainwashed member of a cult”. Here’s a breakdown of that statement:
1. The current president is a divisive narcissist – This is an opinion, evaluation or judgment based on observations, information and other opinions. Opinions are good, and personal to each of us. Opinions are necessary to negotiate life. We must evaluate people and situations in order to take the correct actions toward ensuring our survival and the survival of our loved ones.
2. … and everyone who voted for him is a moronic, brainwashed member of a cult – This part of the statement is obviously an untrue generalization and employs the same mindset as racism. That part of the statement is completely divisive and narcissistic and the person who wrote that has apparently taken on the attributes of the individual they’ve been resisting.
It’s amazing that the word “against” has those two meanings. The thing you’re against (in opposition to) is the thing you’re now against (in physical connect with).
Believe me, I am not immune to this phenomenon. When I find myself disliking something, I immediately try to pull back and, as Paul McCartney said, “let it be”. I know that if I continue putting my attention on and disliking that thing or individual, it will turn into hate and anger and then comes the protest and the resistance, which brings about a solid connection to it and finally the eventual morphing into and dramatization of the qualities and characteristics of that person or thing I resisted.
This is what is behind my branding of “Above It All 360”. It is my hope that you do not fall prey to hating or resisting people or situations in your life so you can remain free, unattached and self-determined. Having opinions is everyone’s right. You, acting off of your opinions to make something better, is a necessary part of life.
But the action of fixating your attention on and creating negative emotions regarding someone or something is itself a trap. If you’d like to change something, do it without the hate, anger and resistance.
Don’t resist. Release!