Time does not heal. Processing does.

It is true that some are able to process a devastating loss faster than others but most don’t know what to do and often stay overwhelmed in some form of grief and despair for years and years.

Over the last four decades I have helped many people through traumatic events with some simple, but effective steps. I myself was confronted with a horrible loss at the end of May and decided I should utilize those same steps to help myself come to a better place on the whole thing. It is not necessarily an easy or pleasant process but these steps can lift a bit of the darkness that follows you everywhere and thus provide the ability to celebrate what you and your loved one had together without that constant pain hitting you.

The amount of time we have in this one life is very short. I know our deceased loved ones do not want us to suffer and become trapped in endless grief.

Below are those same steps I have applied over the years. It’s my hope that you or someone who needs them can receive the benefits myself and others have experienced.

  • On paper or a word document, list out all the things you now want to say or wish you could have said. 

  • Write down all the things you should have done or feel you could 
have done to have prevented or slowed down the passing of your 
loved one.
  • Write down any and all regrets. 

  • Write down all the secrets that you have never told them. 

  • Write down anything you regret having done to them, including 
times you worried them or created a burden on them. 

  • Write down all the plans and expectations you had regarding your 
future together. 

  • Write down everything you loved about them and how awesome they were. 

If the memory is still very painful, repeat the above steps, trying to find more details for each step. 

Note: No matter how ridiculous or obviously untrue something appears in your mind; write it down so it gets out of your head. The mind will constantly feed you a bunch of garbage to try and figure out why something traumatic occurred. This exercise will help you to evaluate what is important and what isn’t.

Note: Your loved one does not want you to be in pain. There is strong evidence of an afterlife, so you need to honor your relationship by flourishing and celebrating the beauty of what you two had together. Don’t create a further burden on them by staying miserable.

Operate in a place of love, because that is what your loved one is now entirely existing as.